BIG LOVE BLOG- Our story of love and family


Friday, July 30, 2010

Wise and Honest Friends...

A quick Big Love shout out to Simply Stated for the new shots of the girlies! I know I have been bad about posting photos, but more to come very soon!

I have been amazed by the emails I have received by some of you who read my last post. So, Yes, I am a freak for putting my thoughts out there so naked and unedited!And thank you to those of you who have embraced my inner freak show!
I am actually in a good place. A place I need to live in a higher percentage of my life. UNCOMFORTABLE!!!
I want to post something a wise and deeply loved friend of mine sent me that she wrote during a time of major GOD sized life change for her and her family. It moved me, to the core. So, thank you Jeanne. You are loved. And I know your words will speak to others who read this.
I know so many of you emailed or commented about being in a similar place right now, so let this give you hope and a new focus, and BE READY....Because CHANGE IS GONNA COME!

Courage will always require an element of leaving. Leaving is just plain
hard. When My 3 year old knows I’m about to leave he will often squeeze as
hard as he can around my neck to lovingly manipulate me into staying one
more minute.

I know how he feels – because leaving comfort for courage makes me want to
wrap my arms around every ounce of safety in my life – hoping if I hold on
tight enough that I won’t have to taste the pain of the leaving what I know
is inevitable.

Leaving comfort and safety looks and sounds alluring and attractive - but
the attraction fades quickly – in fact I have never felt so vulnerable,
small, and needy…. words that are not known for their alluring appeal.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to question your decision.
It will cause you to look around for the safety bars, seatbelt, and any kind
of security button.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to try to make something happen… scheme, make phone calls, send
out hail mary e-mails– anything to distract from sitting in the fear.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to doubt your abilities – you will look at everything that you
have failed at in the past… failed relationships, failed financial
decisions, failed leadership calls, - and you will wonder will you repeat
those patterns and are they indicators to go out and look for comfort again.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to doubt the author of the calling on your life. Thinking that God
is too busy to take care of your little fear

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to be jealous of your neighbors who seem to be perfectly content
with their lives – you will wonder if you are some sort of crazy person that
has a unhealthy propensity to live on the edge.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to look for the easy way out.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to pray like never before… wonder if you know any scripture to
cast out the inner demon of doubt.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
cause you to white knuckle yourself around anything that feels secure and
semi safe – even though you know earthly security and safety is a mirage and
the place where Jesus is, is most where you want to be.

Moving from comfort to courage will…
Cause you to feel weak in the knees – a good indicator that you should stop
standing up and get ON your knees..

Moving from comfort to courage will…
Cause others to question you… especially those that have found security to
be a bedrock to build their lives on. You will be misunderstood, questioned,
and perhaps even seen as foolish.

So today God I feel every one of these fears. I am terrified… straight up
terrified. I am calling out to you to be a voice of truth and freedom. Tell
me to settle down, to trust you and to release every one of these fears into
your arms of faith. I know it is impossible to invite others into a life of
obedience if I am unable to live it myself – so today I am re-upping my
commitment to obey and be faithful.

Thanks again Jeanne-

Sunday, July 25, 2010

"Scared," by Tom Davis

Check this out! The award winning author of the book Scared is scheduled to come to Cape Girardeau to speak early October. Go out and get this book if you have not already. It WILL rock your world. An if you are a local..or not, don;t miss this event where Tom Davis will speak live in Cape Girardeau! I will post more details of date and location coming soon...But in the meantime----read the book!!!!!!

Monday, July 12, 2010


Okay, so I am a totally crappy blogger lately....I know no one really cares when and if I post and I am sure our followers have diminished over the past months. I guess I have been in a bit of life limbo....Not mid-life crisis just yet, at least I think I am totally not old enough for that! I have not been in a funk, but in just what I feel is straight up limbo.
You know what it is like to have dreams...real dreams for your life? Well, I seem to have accomplished mine up to a point and then I kind of got apathetic. And apathy is not the best word for it....Maybe just lost a little. I have dreams...big ones. Ridiculous ones...And I guess I had kind of let my mind go to the place, you know, where you start to believe like most of the people you tell your dreams to...that they are in fact, RIDICULOUS. So the funk has gone on for a few months, and now I am making my come back.
I guess honestly, I am still sorting out what it is like to be a mom of 2 awesome girls, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a lover of God, an entreprenuer, a dreamer, and do-er for Africa and everything else big in my heart.
I have had very wise people remind me that it is all a journey, and life takes some unique turns we do not expect, and I am in the middle of all of that right now.
So, interestingly enough, after reading one of my friend's blog review of the movie Faith Like Potatoes, I rented it over the weekend, and while at the video place I also picked up the movie Precious. Let me say, that we are just NOT movie watchers anymore. We were just saying how we had not rented a movie in so long they did not even recognize us at the store anymore.
So, we watch Faith Like Potatoes on our family night with Eric's mom. I will be straight with you and say the first 20 minutes were slow, and YES, I am a critic! But the movie moved on to teach us some good stuff about faith in God and stepping out in a big way when God so moves you. It made me think....really think. I have not been doing too much of that lately...Hmmm, maybe part of the the reason for my limbo? Yes, I think so! Free therapy right here...who knew?
Okay, so we move on to last night. I did not go to the movies to see Precious even though I wanted to...Could not find a friend who was willing to "go there" with me. Too depressing everyone said....And at some level I felt some of the same stuff. After watching it last night though, I see it is really no different than all of the people (occasionally including myself) who do not want to hear about what is happening in the world. You know, the really ugly stuff. The stuff that makes your heart sink, and at times, even makes you wonder if you can EVER REALLY make a difference.
Precious was one of the most moving and intense films I have seen for a long time. It brought a whole new perspective to my own life and also young girls living likely just around the block from us.
I cried....a LOT. I prayed last night...A LOT. I got on my knees and asked God for guidance in my life and forgiveness for my selfishness and overall RIDICULOUSNESS...there is that word again.

I get bummed because I feel like some of my dreams are not taking wings...While there is a young girl who hopes to live through the night without being attacked...
I think about my lack of motivation of going to the gym at times, while a young girl hopes she can find some sort of food to feed her infant...
I think about my "stuff", she thinks about surviving day to day....
My Diet Coke addiction, her hope for access to clean water....and the list goes on and gets so much more uncomfortable.

I say all of this...likely to mostly myself, to say...This life we are given-so many of us- is already priceless. With and without attaining all of our goals and dreams.
And it makes me realize even more on so many levels, that we MUST STAND FOR WHAT WE BELIEVE, and be willing to work harder than we can conceive to reach our crazy goals. LITERALLY ANYTHING IS INDEED POSSIBLE.

Today I commit to go for my dreams...all of them...And to make a bigger difference in the lives of people in need. Hold me to it!