Okay, so I am a totally crappy blogger lately....I know no one really cares when and if I post and I am sure our followers have diminished over the past months. I guess I have been in a bit of life limbo....Not mid-life crisis just yet, at least I think I am totally not old enough for that! I have not been in a funk, but in just what I feel is straight up limbo.
You know what it is like to have dreams...real dreams for your life? Well, I seem to have accomplished mine up to a point and then I kind of got apathetic. And apathy is not the best word for it....Maybe just lost a little. I have dreams...big ones. Ridiculous ones...And I guess I had kind of let my mind go to the place, you know, where you start to believe like most of the people you tell your dreams to...that they are in fact, RIDICULOUS. So the funk has gone on for a few months, and now I am making my come back.
I guess honestly, I am still sorting out what it is like to be a mom of 2 awesome girls, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a lover of God, an entreprenuer, a dreamer, and do-er for Africa and everything else big in my heart.
I have had very wise people remind me that it is all a journey, and life takes some unique turns we do not expect, and I am in the middle of all of that right now.
So, interestingly enough, after reading one of my friend's blog review of the movie Faith Like Potatoes, I rented it over the weekend, and while at the video place I also picked up the movie Precious. Let me say, that we are just NOT movie watchers anymore. We were just saying how we had not rented a movie in so long they did not even recognize us at the store anymore.
So, we watch Faith Like Potatoes on our family night with Eric's mom. I will be straight with you and say the first 20 minutes were slow, and YES, I am a critic! But the movie moved on to teach us some good stuff about faith in God and stepping out in a big way when God so moves you. It made me think....really think. I have not been doing too much of that lately...Hmmm, maybe part of the the reason for my limbo? Yes, I think so! Free therapy right here...who knew?
Okay, so we move on to last night. I did not go to the movies to see Precious even though I wanted to...Could not find a friend who was willing to "go there" with me. Too depressing everyone said....And at some level I felt some of the same stuff. After watching it last night though, I see it is really no different than all of the people (occasionally including myself) who do not want to hear about what is happening in the world. You know, the really ugly stuff. The stuff that makes your heart sink, and at times, even makes you wonder if you can EVER REALLY make a difference.
Precious was one of the most moving and intense films I have seen for a long time. It brought a whole new perspective to my own life and also young girls living likely just around the block from us.
I cried....a LOT. I prayed last night...A LOT. I got on my knees and asked God for guidance in my life and forgiveness for my selfishness and overall RIDICULOUSNESS...there is that word again.
I get bummed because I feel like some of my dreams are not taking wings...While there is a young girl who hopes to live through the night without being attacked...
I think about my lack of motivation of going to the gym at times, while a young girl hopes she can find some sort of food to feed her infant...
I think about my "stuff", she thinks about surviving day to day....
My Diet Coke addiction, her hope for access to clean water....and the list goes on and gets so much more uncomfortable.
I say all of this...likely to mostly myself, to say...This life we are given-so many of us- is already priceless. With and without attaining all of our goals and dreams.
And it makes me realize even more on so many levels, that we MUST STAND FOR WHAT WE BELIEVE, and be willing to work harder than we can conceive to reach our crazy goals. LITERALLY ANYTHING IS INDEED POSSIBLE.
Today I commit to go for my dreams...all of them...And to make a bigger difference in the lives of people in need. Hold me to it!